


Just Hold my Hand (Kylo Ren x reader) book I

by TigrePalmare3012



Category: Star Wars, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-19
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:40:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 11,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28170309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TigrePalmare3012/pseuds/TigrePalmare3012
Relationships: Ben Solo | Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. The attack

It was a cold evening, you had been sitting on the couch next to the window for one hour now. You were looking at the huge city from your room in the tower.

That morning the Governement collected a huge success with another planet after lots of controversies. The tractative had been really difficult, so now everyone was in a big room partying. You didn't want to join them, you were too tired and also you were kind of an introvert. Suddently the sliding door of your room opened and you saw Poe Dameron coming towards you. He had known you for years and was like a big brother to you.  
"Y/N, I knew I'd found you here. I brought you something." He handed you a little glass with a green drink, sat down in front of you and continued "What's bothering you? We made a huge thing today and you've helped more than anyone else, you should be happy. Tell me what's wrong..."  
You raised your eyes from the glass in your hands and looked at Poe "I just need to be alone for a while." He looked concerned and smiled at you "do you mind if I stay?" You shaked your head. 

Poe and you talked for two hours and he definitely made you feel better. After he was gone you changed into your night gown and went to bed. You fell asleep in a few minutes, you were really tired. 

A loud crash and the sound of the alarm suddently woke you up. You heard screaming coming from the outside of your room. You jumped out of bed, got dressed as fast as you could and rushed out of the room. You made your way through people screaming and rubble falling from the ceiling. The red alarm lights were going on and off.   
You finally reached the main room where you ran into all the pilots. The noises were deafening you. Poe ran to you and you asked him "what the hell's happening?" He was pale and worried, but not scared. He is a pilot , he can't be scared, you thought between yourself. 

Another crash made the ceiling of the hallway collapse. All the pilots ran out of the room heading to the spaceships. Poe was with them and before exiting the room he turned to you and said

"The First Order is attacking us"


	2. “Why me?”

You froze. What were you gonna do?   
You ran down the stairs as fast as you could and stormed out of the building. You looked up and saw a group of first order TIE fighters shooting the building. Suddently a small ship landed a few metres from you and knights in black armors got out. They immediately saw you and you tried to escape but one of them threw a rope and tied you, then began to drag you to him. When you got in front of them you were handcuffed and a black bag was put on your head. You tried to wriggle out but in vain, they dragged you into the ship and put you in a room, alone. It was completely silent and you couldn't see anything nor move, so you just sat on the floor and cried.

You thought about your home, your family, your friends. You wondered if Poe and Leia were fine. You had already lost your family once, you couldn't loose it again. You got lost in your thoughts, you didn't know how much time you had been sitting there.   
You finally heard the door opening and saw a little light through the texture of the bag on your head. You heard footsteps and a hand took off the bag. You looked around. You were in a little room with black steel walls and it was empty except for a chair with chains. You heard someone clear their throat so you turned and found youself in front of a tall man wearing a black cloak And an intimidating mask. He looked at you in silence and you could hear your blood pumping in your ears. You opened your mouth to say something but before any sound could come out the man raised a hand towards you as if he was holding a cup and you felt a strong grip at your throat. You started to cry in pain then suddently you were thrown into the chair and the handcuffs closed on you. The man came near you and lean, now his mask was a few inches away from your face. He spoke and had a deep and robotic voice.

"I sense something in you.. but what ?"  
"Who are you and why are you doing this to me?" You said while attempting to breathe, the grip had loosened but not much. He didn't answer.  
"What's your secret? What is it that is hidden deeply in your soul? I have to know. TALK!"  
You were shivering and had no idea what to say. You just said a harsh "you're wrong "  
The man stepped back furiously and took out his lightsaber. He started to destroy the wall next to you and then he turned to you and screamed "I AM NEVER WRONG!".   
He then loosened the grip on your throat and for one second you were filled with relief but a huge headache started to torture you.   
"I see your parents were killed... and you were rescued by that pilot.." he was reading your mind, if he had found out the position of the rebel base that would've been the end. The image of Leia and Poe came to your mind and you found the strength to fight for them. You started to try keeping him out of your head while looking at him in an anger you had never felt before. The headache was growing and so was your concentration. You were almost over the edge, you were grinning your teeth and screamed in pain, he was panting and trembling, then he lowered his arm and stormed out of the room. The last thing you saw was his black figure and you whispered between yourself "why me?"


	3. Mentor

You woke up in a big white bed. Had it all been a dream? You then heard heavy footsteps and someone loudly knocking at your door. You went to see who it was. A strormtrooper was standing in front of you with his shiny white armour. He said coldly "the Supreme Leader wants you in the training room in ten minutes. I'll wait here for you to get changed and then I'm taking you there."  
You just closed the door. You walked to a big wardrobe and opened it. Inside there were black leggings and shirts. You changed and ran to the stormtrooper. He started to walk in silence and you just followed him looking around you. 

The spaceship was enormous. You walked through hallways and stairs for some minutes and then you finally stopped in front of a big sliding door. The Stormtrooper stepped aside and let you in. 

The man you had met the day before was in the middle of the enormous empty room, sitting with his legs crossed. He lift up his head as soon as you stepped in. He stood up and made a gesture with his hand. An invisible rope seemed to drag you closer to him. When you were in front of him he looked at you and said in a threatening voice : "Forget about the life you had before, now you belong to the first order and I'm gonna teach you everything you need to know, from now on I'm gonna be your mentor." 

You were shocked. What did he mean with 'everything you need to know '? You stood there in silence. He did that movement again and your throat was once more in a tight grip. He looked at you and said "Understood?!" You nodded lightly. He lowered his arm and you fell on the floor grasping for air.   
He took out two lightsabers from his belt and handed one to you, then he jumped backwards and turned his on. You did the same. "Now let's see what you can do" said your mentor. You had trained a bit with lightsabers since you grew up with rebels. You started to run towards each other and your sabers crossed together. You looked at the mask immediately started to attack. He always blocked you, it was like he knew exactly what your next move would've been and he stopped your attacks with extreme elegance and precision. You were intimidated by that man but this didn't stop you from showing him your skills. A some point he hit your saber from below and it flew out of your hand. Now you were disarmed and he was walking to you with his lightsaber pointing at your face. You walked backwards until you hit a wall. The red lightsaber was pointing between your eyes and remained still, then it went off. Your mentor looked at you and said "you're pathetic, now get out of my way". You ran out of the room only to find the stormtrooper ready to take you back to your room. 

When you were finally alone you layed in the bed and just looked at the ceiling while getting lost in thoughts. Then suddently you heard a voice and your mentor appeared in your mind. He was standing in a white hall that you had seen on your way to the training room, that probably had to be his private rooms. "You have the Force flowing into you, I'll teach you how to use it to control people's minds and objects, but you won't get to know about combat. No questions. I can talk to you telepatically whenever I want and can see wherever you are, so don't do anything stupid if you don't wanna get hurt. Now go to sleep or you'll never handle the fatigue tomorrow. 6:30 a.m. I'm coming to get you, don't be late." Then he disappeared. You were scared of that man, what had you done to de serve this? You rolled in the bed for what seemed like forever and then you fell asleep. You wondered what was there under that mask.


	4. Intruder

The next morning you were ready ten minutes early so you had a little time to think of how to find out more about that man. You decided to wait for the perfect occasion to investigate.   
You heard knocking on the door and went to your mentor. His towering figure was standing still, then said "go to the training room"  
You didn't remember the way "I don't remember how to get there... masked man". 

"Don't you dare calling me like that. I'm 'Mentor' or 'Supreme Leader'. And I don't give a damn about you not knowing the way, just go and don't do stupid things unless you want to be shot by one of my troopers". You gulped, that deep robotic voice was haunting you. He motioned for you to hurry up and you started walking anxiously. 

You went through a huge hallway with lots of doors, then saw two stairs, one at your left and one at your right. You swore under your breath, you couldn't remember which way the stormtrooper had gone the day before. You surrended and went on the left. You started to go up the stairs and realised you had taken the wrong way when you found yourself in a huge control room. That was where you saw a ginger man giving instructions to the soldiers to drive the spaceship. You were about to go back to the hallway when you heard someone scream "Who's that? Soldiers, go and take her!" 

A bunch of stormtroopers started to run to you and you tried to escape but you bumped into other soldiers coming from the stairs. You were surrounded. The red haired man walked near the crowd and said "RS-2317, give her a lesson and then finish her". A stormtrooper walked to you and suddently pointed his blaster to your face , then he grabbed your hair and started to scream at you while pulling them "Who the hell are you? How did you get here? Answer me or I'll shoot you between your eyes! So? I'm giving you three seconds, then I'm putting a hole in your face!" He started to yank you roughly, your eyes filled with tears, you felt some hair being ripped off your skin. He kicked your leg and you cried out in pain. He started to count "one.... two.... t-". 

Suddently he was fling to the wall and then collapsed on the floor panting. Everyone raised heads and so did you. Your mentor was standing down stairs and had rose his hand but you were not his target. Everyone stepped away from you. The ginger man said "Supreme Leader, here's an intruder", to which your mentor turned on his lightsaber and put it under the jaw of the man saying "she's my apprentice, not an intruder, you idiot. And if anyone dares to talk to her or touch her without my permission he's going towards bad consequences! Now Hux go back to your stupid duties and get used to see her around because she's the one who will get you fired.". Everyone marched away. The masked man grabbed your arm and took you away from their sight. He then put you against the wall and said "never ever put yourself in trouble like that again or I will punish you as I did with those idiots! Now go back to your room and stay there! " Then he stormed away. 

He defended you... and you were grateful. Also you thought that voice was not as threatening as before. You went to your room, got undressed and layed on the bed. 

Author's note!  
Hi ! This is my first work here on Wattpad and I soooo hope you like it! Please if you have any kind of suggestion or question just ask me! I love Kylo Ren and wanted to write a version of mine for Kylo Ren x Reader! Also I excuse myself for any grammar mistake but english is not my mothertongue😅


	5. You always must be ready

Hi! Here's a chapter that looks like smut but it isn't! Something is changing between our two protagonists... Comments and suggestions are always welcome! 

You woke up on the floor in a white big room, it looked familiar. You stood up and saw a black marble stand with something on top of it. You went closer to look at it and you recognized what that was. You had heard about it since you were a child, Leia always told you stories about that and you had always imagined how it could have been. Well, there it was. Darth Vader's burnt mask was standing right in front of you, it seemed like it still emanated terror, fear, darkness. Suddently the doors opened and something like twelve stormtroopers rushed in and started to point their blasters at you, ready to fire. You froze in terror and you were looking for a way to save yourself but nothing, you were surrounded. You heard the blasters triggers click and were ready to feel your body burn with laser bulllets, you closed your eyes shut, hearing the troopers taking position. then there was just silence. You opened your eyes only to find your soon-to be- killers putting their weapons away. They were looking at something behind you, so you turned back and saw him. The Supreme Leader was standing in silence right behind you looking at the troopers in silence, then he pointed at the door and they all ran away. He then lowered his head and looked at you. He said "I told you I'd have never done that again" to which you replied "I know, you were clearly wrong" and smiled at him. He sighed and lifted you up in his arms, you laughed and the robotic voice said "you really have the courage to laugh at me?" "Yes I do, scary man" you said mockingly. 

He started to walk and carried you in a room you soon realised to be his bedroom. He put you on the bed and locked the door with the Force without ever taking his eyes off you. You stared at him and then he took off his cloak and started to undo the belt of his black robes. Your cheeks went on fire but you didn't stop him, neither when he came to you and started taking your clothes off. You put your hands on his chest feeling his skin under the shirt and after he removed your shirt leaving you just in your bra he raised his hands to the sides of the mask and started taking it off "Y/N, kiss me"

A loud knock on the door made your heart jump in your throat as you suddently woke up. It was just a dream... but holy stars what the hell was that?   
"Hey you, you're late for training, come out or I'm kicking your door down!" You said "You never told me there was gonna be a training later today... master" you added the last word in order not to upset him. He shouted "YOU MUST ALWAYS BE READY! Now shut up and come out!".  
You had fallen asleep fully clothed so you just put your hair into a ponytail, washed your face and headed out. As soon as you saw your mentor you blushed thinking about what you had just dreamt. He didn't seem to notice, he just said "stop looking at me like an idiot and follow me! You're going over your limits with the Force during training this evening. Fist go and grab yourself some food, you need energies, I'll keep an eye on you and then taking you to the training room."


	6. Chapter 6

As you were in the dining room no one talked to you nor even looked. The Supreme Leader was standing at the entrance of the room (as he said, he was keeping an eye on you) but you didn't pay much attention to him, you were starving because of all the energy you had used those days.

When you were full you got back to your mentor and he started walking, you followed him. You proudly realized were starting to remember how to reach the most important rooms in that spaceships. When you two passed next to the training room door you said "you know the training room was over there right?" He turned to you without stopping to walk. "Of course I know, but we need a quieter place for your training today, and a place which is nearer to the medical centre. Before you ask me why with that annoying voice let's just say that being pushed over your limits might make you pass out or worse... go into a coma...". 

You gulped but said nothing, in the past nights, while you were alone in your room, you had resigned to the fact that you had to stay there with the First Order and that made you cry a lot but you had a strong character so you just forced yourself not to think about your family, it would've just hurt you. Il

The Supreme leader entered a room and you followed him. You froze. That was the white room you had dreamt the night before. You remembered the dream and couldn't take it off your mind. 

"sit down" he said. You sat on a little pillow that was on the floor and he sat in front of you.   
"Now the training begins. Do everything I tell you to and no questions. Keep concentrated!"  
"Ok master"

"Now let all your anxiety and fear flow away. Just concentrate on the force. Fell it surrounding and filling your body, your mind, your soul. Breath deeply and concentrate. When you feel it, open your eyes. ". You felt it, it was a sensation you had never felt before, an aura of power, harmony, darkness was covering you. You heard a metallic sound and opened your eyes in curiosity, you remained speechless when you saw the iron mask on the floor, but resisted at the temptation to lift your head. Then he spoke, his voice was not robotic anymore. It was deep and cold.   
"Now try to enter my mind... look at me". There it was, the moment you had imagined for days. You slowly raised your head and your eyes almost didn't bear what they found. 

"Focus" you told yourself.


	7. You’re a monster

He was incredibly attractive. His big black eyes were staring at you. He had black wavy hair that fell on his shoulders, his cheek was marked with a long and thin scar which looked like a bruise. It gave him an intimidating look. 

You knew you had to concentrate. You focused on his eyes, you stared at them as trying to get into them, you started to feel a headache and then in your mind you saw something blurred and heard indistinct voices, but you couldn't understand nor see anything. 

"Yes, concentrate, don't be weak! Force yourself into my mind, yearn to tear my thoughts out of it, to possess my will and my body!" He said firmly, his voice was cold as ice. The headache grew stronger and you clenched your teeth more and more, then you started to see.

Your master was standing in a big room with an old creature who had just gotten up from a golden throne. He was kneeling in front of him in silence.   
The creature screamed "What were you thinking?! You had to kill her and accomplish your mission, but you were affected by mercy... MERCY! You, the First Order Commander Kylo Ren, got duped by the Light to which your mother always wanted to bring you! You've been such a waste of time! I've taught you everything I knew about the power to dominate the Force, I made you explore every corner of the path of the Dark Side, you would've been the chosen one to become the right heir of Lord Vader! And you destroyed all I had built in you in years of apprenticement! Shame! And why that? Because you didn't have the strength to kill Leia Organa, just because she's the woman who gave birth to you!" 

Two sith troopers pointed their weapons towards the Commander and he shouted "I can still be Vader's heir! It wasn't weakness that stopped me! You know it! I showed you I don't care about my origins the day I killed Han Solo! The knowledge of the Darkness you gave me wasn't waisted. I'll show you! 

He got interrupted "NO! You had your opportunity and didn't use it! I'm gonna find another apprentice to substitute you! You're just a whiny kid who can't get away from his loving mommy!" The creature sat back on the throne looking at his apprentice furiously.

It all happend in a bunch of seconds. The Commander opened his hand and then immediately closed it and the lightsaber which was laying on the armrest of the throne turned on and pierced the chest of the creature. He opened his mouth but no sound came out of it, then his upper part of the body fell on the floor. The Commander jumped on his feet and his lightsaber flew into his palm, then he killed the stormtroopers and looked at the dead body on the throne. Then he screamed out of his breath "I AM THE SUPREME LEADER!" 

You exited his mind and fell on the floor. You didn't know what to say. He was Leia's son.... you never knew she had a son. And he was the cause of Han's death. You were with Leia when she got the news that day, you were the one who had hugged her trying to take away her pain. And the cause of all those disasters was sitting right in front of you. You were so angry that you weren't even able to stop the slap you gave him. With fire in your eyes you just stood up and looked at him with tears filling your eyes. Then you whispered 

"You're a monster"


	8. Kylo Ren

He didn't move, he just stared at you with a unemotional face. He looked like a droid someway.

He said "no one told you the training is finished. Sit" and he carried you back on the cushion with the Force. You kept looking away from him but suddently a gloved hand got to your chin and turned your face to him. He said "I never told you to stop. I didn't try to block you before, but I'm doing it now. Try again!" You were still shocked by the last memory but you were also too curious to find out more about that man. You looked into his eyes and concentrated again. It took you more this time but the headache finally came and you saw another thing...

You didn't see a whole environment this time, you only saw people as if they were floating in complete darkness. There was a young him sleeping peacefully and then you almost failed not to scream when you saw the person who came silently behind him. It was Luke Skywalker. You had known that man since you were found by the Resistance, Leia had called Luke in order to understand more about you and teach you how to read, write... you were sort of a padawan to him. 

He stood behind the boy, watching him with bloody eyes, an expression of terror and anger, then he turned on his green lightsaber and the sound woke the boy, who slowly turned to find the Jedi behind him about to finish him. He opened his mouth in fear and

You couldn't see anything else as everything went blur and you couldn't see through his mind anymore, you concentrated more, you almost weren't blinking. You felt like there was a wall between you and his memories and you had to take it down if you wanted to know more. Then you saw it, it was like a little hole in that unbreakable wall. You looked through it and got extremely surprised when you saw yourself. It was the memory of the other day when he had stopped the guards from killing you. 

You didn't even hear your master shouting to you "stop! Girl,damn listen to me! Stop! I forbid you to look at that" 

You were seeing the scene from his perspective. He was walking from his private apartment to the control room and the closer he got to the room the more he felt your presence in the Force. Then when he got in the bottom of the stairs he heard weird noises and going up he found you surrounded by stormtroopers and expecially got angry seeing general Hux grinning and looking at you. It was completely impulsive, his hand came up and made the soldier fly against the wall. He saved you, then took you to your bedroom and then he went to his. As soon as he got into the white big hall he took off his helmet and threw it on the floor screaming. He felt anger consume him from inside his chest, a burning fury. But he didn't know why. He suddently stopped and rushed into the bedroom. He took of his cloak and jacket and layed on the bed looking at the ceiling.   
"What was that anger? That impulsive reaction I had. I hate Hux, he was looking at her with lust in his eyes. I'd like to kill him cold blood. She's my apprentice and no one can touch her unless it's her master." He turned to his side and closed his eyes.  
After a few seconds he threw them open and whispered "oh no... that can't be..."

Your master cut you out of his mind. You came back to reality and realised he was giving you a furious look. "Now the training finished. And when I say it's finished I mean forever. Get out of my way. "  
You said "wait... I'm sorry.. master", but he didn't listen to you.

You didn't see him for the rest of the day... and the day after. 

That night you thought   
"his name is Kylo Ren"


	9. Guilt

The second day not seeing him as you got to bed you felt something you thought could never feel towards such a person. You felt guilt.   
You failed to demonstrate that you were different from him,that you weren't a creature of darkness, that you didn't want to force yourself into his private memories as he did to you the first day you got imprisoned in that spaceship. 

After seeing the memory involving Luke Skywalker you had started to see your master Kylo Ren differently. Yes he had done horrible things and all, but he didn't have a normal childhood, he didn't have good memories of family, friends, love to hang on in order not to fall into darkness. 

Yes, that was guilt and empathy that you felt. It was like you had the urge to see him, to make sure he was ok. He needed to have someone caring for him since he had never had it in his whole life. 

Hi guys! Sorry for the short chapter! Next one will be longer and important!Anyway I wanted to ask you something. Do you prefer long chapters or short chapter? Should I divide each chapter in shorter parts?


	10. “Ben..”

Meanwhile Kylo Ren was in his room, he hadn't come out in two days, neither for meals, he got his foot delivered at his room.   
He had thought about what you did for hours. He didn't know what to do... was it anger? Was it shame? You had had access to one of his most secret thoughts.   
As he saw the stormtrooper holding you he couldn't control himself. No one could touch you. He didn't understand how it could have been possible for a pathetic soldier to touch you but not to him. He understood that he wanted to keep you away from all those idiots under his command. You were too powerful, too superior to interact with people like them, he was the only one who was worthy enough, he was the Supreme Leader.   
He sent those thoughts away and tried to sleep. 

He found himself in front of the door to his private hall and as it slided open he felt furious. You were surrounded by stormtroopers with weapons pointed at you and ready to fire. He immediately walked to stand behind you and pointed the door for the stormtroopers to run away, and so they did. Then he smirked under the mask and lowered his head to look at you. "I told you I wasn't gonna do it again " he said. "I know, you were clearly wrong " you replied. Then it happened, you smiled to him. That innocent smile of your that made you look so adorable. He lost control, he wanted you, so much he was worried that love and lust could have consumed him. He lifted you in his arms and took you to his bedroom. As he was starting to undress you he was going crazy. Then you started to take off his clothes and he was shivering under your touch. He wanted to kiss you, so much. He started to take his mask off, leaning down to close the distance between your lips.

He woke up suddently, sweating.   
As soon as he sat on the bed he immediately felt something in the room. Someone. He wasn't alone. He immediately reached for his lightsaber that was on the other side of the bed and enlighted it. He moved it to see in the corners of the room and then he saw the reflection of a pair of eyes staring at him. He jumped out and pointed his weapon to them. Then he froze. In front of him was standing Leia, a loving look on her face. 

"Ben, I finally can look at my son again..."  
"Mother..."   
"I saw your dream and I felt your thoughts about your new apprentice through the Force"  
"That's none of your business, I am not Ben Solo anymore, I killed him. Now I am Kylo Ren. And that girl is destinated to become the most powerful Commander the First Order has ever seen! I'm giving her all my knowledge."  
"It's not just that and you know it. I'm here to help you understand what those impulses were as you saw her in someone else's hands. I'm here to explain to you why you had that dream and why you didn't want her to see what you did after saving her."  
"I don't care, leave me alone"  
"You love her Ben. And that anger was jealousy. You feel the need of protecting her, keeping her under your wing. Don't hurt her, because I'm sure you know she might be the one who can give you happiness."

Leia disappeared. Tears started filling his eyes. He crashed on the bed , covering his face with his hands to muffle his sobs. He muttered to himself

"Yes ... I love her....

...but as she said, I'm a monster"


	11. Leia

The next day you got into the training room early in the morning to meditate. You had taken almost all the curtains down, leaving just a weak light coming from outside. You sat in the middle of the room and started to let the force surround you and your senses. Suddently you heard her voice  
"Y/N. Hi my dear. I've kept en eye on you the whole time and I'm glad you didn't get hurt. Tell me what's bothering you..."  
"Leia... I knew you'd have found me. I miss you... so much. I didn't know you had a son, he's so intimidating...but I feel something."  
"Y/n, I'm here to explain you that you feel for him. That need to protect him, that will to make him happy, that sense of being protected you feel when he's around you... darling that's love... you love him. And don't let him go away, you're the only one who can save him and make him happy. Please take care of him and love him..."  
You were atonished, those words felt so absurd and yet so obvious.   
Tears filled your eyes, you wiped the tears away and turned to Leia, but she was gone. You were sobbing and crying out all the need to have him by your side . Because that was it, you desperately needed him. 

"I love Kylo Ren. I need him ... but he thinks I hate him..."


	12. Hope

You got out of the training room and headed to your room, but you did a long walk hoping to run into your master.   
You found him walking around checking if everything was in order. 

You couldn't know that he was doing exactly the same thing as you.

As soon as he saw you he was almost afraid you'd have heard his heartbeat racing. He immediately felt vulnerable to feelings, his mother's words echoed in his head "you love her and she's the one who can give you happiness". He understood that for once Leia's words were true. He needed you. 

And there, standing in the middle of the corridor, Kylo Ren decided he was going to be human for once, not just a destructive weapon. He had never loved before, so he had no idea what to do, but he promised himself to put all his effort on this.

He walked to you and said "What are you doing here?". He blamed himself for having kept his mask on, he always sounded cold and aggressive in that robotic voice. That was how he wanted to be seen by everyone, everyone but you.

"Sorry master, I'm heading to my room". Why were you there if you were going to your room? Maybe you had taken the wrong way. An idea popped up in his head. 

"Maybe I could show you around so you won't risk to get lost."  
You hoped he wouldn't notice you were blushing. "It would be extremely useful, thank you master ". That was the second kind thing he had done to you, you started to daydream for a second. Was he ACTUALLY trying to be kind to you? Was he trying to court you? 

You two started to walk through hallways and rooms. Then you got into an empty hallway. There was no one to be seen except for you. It was really long. "Where does this corridor lead master?"   
"It leads to the landing platforms or to the weapons depot. Which one would you be interested to see first?". You thought about this a moment and then said "Maybe the weapons depot if it doesn't bother you, Master."  
"That's good for me. Anyway... you can refer to me as Kylo Ren. No need to call me Master."  
"Oh... well thank you, Ren". You were really surprised by that, but you didn't know he was more surprised than you from how much he already adored how his name sounded coming out of your lips. He secretly imagined you saying it whispering and moaning in his ear. He immediately cut off those thoughts not to completely loose self control. 

You got into the weapons depot and he gave you a tour explaining you every weapon there was. Your attention was caught by what clearly was a lightsaber. Before you could say anything the lightsaber flew behind you and as you turned around to face Ren you found him without his mask, looking at you and handing you the lightsaber. You gave him a questioning look.

He couldn't stop looking at those eyes full of questions and a light reflection of hope. You looked like a little girl, and your height didn't help you to look older.

"This is for you if you want it. You need to defend yourself.". There was your smile. That smile he was realising he loved so much. You took the lightsaber and ignited it. A wonderful red plasma came out cracking. 

You stepped back in order not to risk to harm Ren and pointed the weapon at him with a mocking angry face.

Kylo Ren smiled.


	13. Oh no

That evening you had a training session planned so you got to Ren's private rooms and started. This time he wanted you to enter his mind and find a specific information.

"Find out the age I got my first lightsaber"

That challenge immediately made you curious. You concentrated, connected to him and started searching. You went through many memories but finding the right one came out quite difficult. You found his childhood memories. You saw a young Han and Leia holding a cute black haired baby, she had a worried look on her face "There's darkness in him". You didn't stop.

There it was. You saw a little Kylo Ren , or better a little Ben Solo, talking to Han while sitting on a cliff watching the sunset. It was a lovely scene.  
They started to talk to each other and you realised you couldn't hear them. It was like you were in a glass box. Then Ben turned to you and said something in Kylo Ren's voice. You heard this. "Y/n stop! We're under attack!" 

You fell out of his mind and saw him wearing his mask. Then you became aware of all the noise there was outside. "Come!" Said Ren. You grabbed your lightsaber and followed him. 

As the door opened you understood something bad was happening. Stormtroopers and droids were running around, weapons at hand. Ren said "Go to your room and stay there, no matter what happens DON'T COME OUT. Now hurry!"

You started to run, bumping into stormtroopers. Then you found out there was fire on the way to your room, so you decided to hide in the training one. You went through hallways and stairs until you saw the room ahead of you. You were almost there but suddently a droid that was twice your size bumped into you and hit you. You tumbled down some stairs and layed down covered in bruises. You went unconscious for a few minutes.

You didn't have the strength to stand up, so you dragged yourself near the banister and looked down. 

You wanted to scream because of what was happening in the floor below you but you were too weak. You just muttered 

"Oh no..."


	14. “You made your choice”

There was a big room where all the data that the spacecraft needed was stored. There were tall pillars around the perimeter and the rest was empty. 

There were only two people there.   
Poe and Kylo Ren. 

You felt like your soul had got ripped in two parts.   
They were facing each other, Poe holding a blaster and Ren holding his lightsaber. They were about to fight and you didn't know whose victory to hope for. 

"Why are you doing this Ren? This is not you, this is not what being a hero is! You're bringing sorrow and destruction in the galaxy! You're wasting everything Leia and Han have given you since you were a child! Kylo Ren is just a mistake, you, Ben Solo, belong to the Light! Don't make the same mistake your grandfather did! "

"Dark gives me power! How can you, you stupid pilot, think that you could pull me to the light?! I am the Supreme Leader of the First Order, I am the king of darkness! I am building the most powerful army in the galaxy and I will destroy the Resistance!" 

Poe shouted "You killed your Father ! You murdered Han Solo and broke your mother's heart!"

Ren raised a hand and Poe started gasping for air. You felt your heart racing in fear. He was like a brother to you, you couldn't loose him. You started to concentrate in order to try to enter Ren's mind and talk to him.   
You hadn't trained for that, so you weren't able to do it.   
You finally found the strength and screamed "REN, NO!!!!"

He raised his head to you and said telepathically "I have to ", then he went closer to Poe and pointed the lightsaber to his chest. You were frozen, you couldn't breath.

Then you heard the sound of three shots coming from blaster and saw Ren falling down. 

Poe took his lightsaber and was about to stab him. You used the Force and the weapon got out of his hands. You shouted "Poe don't do that, you're not a murderer!"  
You ran to the two men ignoring the pain that was consuming your body and you kneeled down next to Ren. He was still and laying in a pool of blood. You frenetically took off his helmet and started to cry as you saw his lips were purple and he was extremely pale. You rest your head on his chest, hoping to hear his heartbeat.

Poe couldn't believe what was happening in front of him. He understood he had lost you.  
"Y/n... you don't belong to us anymore... Leia was right.."  
You looked at him. "What does Leia have to do with this?"  
"When she found out your location she organized a rescue squad to take you back. But then as she saw you and Ren get closer she started to understand that she was loosing also her daughter as she lost her son before..."

"I can't let him die..."  
"You love him Y/n... take care of yourself, but you lost us all, you' ve made your choice...", tears started filling his eyes.  
He took out his communicator and said "failed mission, let's go home.".

He looked at you one last time and then ran away.


	15. Stay

You started to scream calling stormtroopers to help you. Everyone was busy tidying everything up after the attack.   
A knight of Ren helped you taking your master to the med area. There were some injured stormtroopers but when the medical droid and the doctor saw the new patient they rushed him into surgery. Another medical droid sat next to you and put some patches on your wounds, but you didn't pay attention to it. Your mind was with Ren. You were so worried about him, you wanted him to heal and stay next to him forever. Now that your family had rejected you he was everything you had left.   
You asked the droid "Is the Supreme Leader gonna be ok?".   
"Yes m'am, our medical equipe is the best one in the galaxy, they will do everything they can in order to save him."

You stayed there, you didn't feel like doing anything else than making sure he was alive. He was on surgery for hours, the droids told you the shots had damaged many organs and he had an internal bleeding. You were terrified.

You woke up hearing the sliding doors of the surgery open. Your bones hurt because of the steel you had slept on. You opened your eyes and looked with watery eyes and a broken heart at Ren.  
He was pale and he had trouble breathing, his hair socked in sweat on his face, he had a huge white garze on his chest that had dark blood stains. He was in so much pain. You brushed your knuckle against his cheek trying to hold your tears.   
You stayed by his side all day trying to keep him company. 

It was 3 in the morning when you heard him whispering something in a harsh voice. You were half asleep but immediately opened your eyes to find two wonderful black eyes looking at you.

"Y/n... have you been here all the time?"  
"Yes Master, I was worried about you. Your injuries were really bad and you were on surgery for hours... You are gonna need to rest for a while or your stitches are gonna be ripped open. "

He gave you a weak smile. You could tell he was completely out of energy. You were worried for him.   
"Sleep for a bit, you'll feel better, I will be back tomorrow morning to check up on you.". You got up and turned to the door but before you could move more you felt a hand gripping in your wrist weakly.   
You turned to him and saw tears flowing out from his eyes. His lips were trembling. He looked scared, as if his walls had been taken down and he was totally vulnerable. 

"Please... stay...".   
You nodded smiling and sat next to him again, his hand holding yours.


	16. Thank you

You woke up to a droid patting your shoulder.   
"M'am, I'm sorry for waking you up but the Supreme Leader's conditions have gotten worse during the night. We need to intensify the medicine."  
You looked at him and realized that he was extremely pale. He was trembling and was soaked in sweat. You stepped away to let the droids take care of him and walked towards the door.

Suddently you heard him mutter something.   
He didn't have the strength to talk, so he used the Force.  
"Y/n, take care of everything until I heal. The First Order is in your hands now. Tell that ginger idiot that you are the new Commander."   
You smiled proudly. "Of course Master, it'll be an honour."

You immediately went to the control room and looked for general Hux. As soon as he saw you he opened his mouth probably to insult you but didn't get the chance. He immediately was lifted in the air and choked with the Force and you two both heard Ren's voice in your head.   
"Don't you dare Hux. She's your superior! I'll kill you if you don't respect her!", then the General fell on the ground touching his throat and catching his breath. 

Being in charge of the ship wasn't as easy as you thought. You had to always stand to attention. Ren helped you once in a while by talking to you through the Force. 

All the stormtroopers started to respect you and almost feared you. You had made yourself a name. During the day you were extremely busy with work, but every night you were by his side. You always reporters him what had happened during the day, never letting go of his hand. You knew he already knew everything but you liked to talking to him and he liked listening to you.

He realized it was the very first time someone was taking care of him with pure love. He felt happy and relieved. He allowed himself to show you his weaknesses, he knew he could trust you. 

After one month one evening you got into his hospital room and found him standing and waiting for you. You smiled out of happiness. He was wearing his cloak and had his helmet ready to be worn. You got in front of him and he immediately grabbed your hand and kissed it. Your cheeks went on fire. He lowered his gaze to you and you realized that even if he had recovered he didn't look at you like the first days you had gotten kidnapped.

"Master, I'm glad you're fine. The First Order have missed you. I have missed you. I was terrified when I saw you get shot. I thought -"  
You didn't have the time to end your sentence.   
Ren grabbed you by your waist and put a hand behind your head, gently brushing your hair. You stared into each other's eyes and then you looked at his full lips. They were so close to yours. Your heart started to race. He didn't say anything for a few seconds. 

Then he kissed you.


	17. Don’t leave me

It was the best kiss you ever had. His lips felt so soft and his hands caressing your back made you go crazy. You cupped your hand on his cheek and put the other one on his chest. He was breathing heavily, kissing you so passionately you had goosebumps.   
His tongue asked for entrance and you let it. You didn't break the kiss. This felt so right, so beautiful.  
You loved that man so much, you thought you had lost him but there he was, kissing you and confessing his love. You intertwined your hand with his soft hair and pulled it to you, driving him crazy. He let himself go and let his love for you flow from his lips to yours. He understood that his mother was right, you were his happiness and the only thing that could save him from becoming just a human weapon. 

You made him feel just human.   
He broke the kiss and looked at you. He smiled and you blushed by seeing that amazing smile of his.   
You both couldn't find the right words to express the feeling of that moment. You stared into those brown eyes as if you were drowning into them. They were so deep and you could see the love they had hidden for years from everyone but that now was yours. 

He was the one that broke the silence "Y/n... I need you... please don't ever leave me..."  
"I'm not going anywhere Ren, don't worry."  
"You can call me Kylo..."  
You smirked and kissed him again. You couldn't get enough of his lips. 

He smiled. He had noticed you needed to stand on the point of your feet to kiss him. You looked so cute.   
"You look like a little girl, do we need to stand tiptoes little one?" He laughed. His laugh was adorable and so pure.   
You made a fake angry face which only made you look cuter. He leaned down and kissed your forehead. Then he whispered "see you later little one". 

He put on his helmet and walked to the door, leaving you there with a smile on your face and butterflies in your stomach.


	18. Surprise

Later that day you were heading to the training room to meditate but as you passed next to Kylo's bedroom you noticed the door was open. You decided to ask Kylo, so you started to look for him to talk through the Force. Before you could find him you saw his head peeking from the door. You smiled and went to him. You grabbed the front of his shirt, pulled him down and kissed him. He smiled.

"I have a surprise for you" he said patting your head gently. He brought you inside and as you looked at the room you gasped in surprise. Behind you, Kylo smiled proudly. It made him feel so good to see you smile to him. He knew you were his soulmate and he had promised himself to always protect you at all costs. 

On Kylo's bed you found a uniform like his, even the helmet, it was just a bit smaller. On the ceiling there were heart shaped balloons. It was so romantic you felt your heart melt. 

You touched the helmet and then just ran to Kylo. You hugged him and he lifted you up in his arms. You put your legs around his waist and brushed his hair with your hands, then you touched his cheek never stopping to stare at his deep eyes. 

"So how's the weather like up here?" He asked you smiling and kissed your forehead. You blushed and layed your head in the crook of his neck and gave light kisses on his skin. 

"Thank you so much Kylo. I- I love you ..."  
"I love you too my princess". He hugged you tight and smelled the flower fragrance in your hair. You got down and grabbed the clothes. "Turn back, don't look!" You said as you started to undo your belt. He turned. The impulse to look at your almost naked body was growing bigger with every noise of fabric he heard but he imposed himself to resist. 

"I'm ready" you proudly said. He looked at you and went speechless.   
You were stunning. Everything was perfect, the black fabric, the size, the length.   
"You look intimidating..." he said jokingly.  
"Really? Then watch this!" You put your helmet on "now I'm scarier than you!"  
It took him a lot of effort not to laugh, you looked like a little girl and were everything but scary. He observed you for some other seconds while you put your leather gloves on, then he put his helmet on, took your hand and started to take you outside his private rooms. You were looking at him leading you and you knew that he was smiling under his mask.


	19. I’ll protect you

Warning: smut! If you don't want to read it just go to the next chapter!

Days passed and you and Kylo had been busy with setting some missions in the affiliated planets. 

One night you headed to Kylo's bedroom, which you shared now, and as soon as you stepped into the hall you realised there was something different. You walked slowly to the door and went inside.

Rose petals were spread on the floor and on the bed, candles where lit all around the room and made the atmosphere magical. 

And sitting on the bed was the love of your life holding a red rose. You grabbed his hand to make him stand up and looked into his eyes. 

You saw your future into them.

"I love you with all my heart Kylo" you said, feeling your heart explode from the happiness and love this man gave you.

He didn't say anything, he just lost control after seeing your eyes looking at him with such passion. He crashed his lips against yours and pur his hands on the sides of your face pushing you against him. Your tongues started to dance together and you felt heat growing inside of you. 

Your hands got on his shirt and started to take it off, so did his and started to undress you. You both got naked quickly and you were astonished by his muscular body, you wanted to kiss every inch of it and have it all for you. Lust got over you and Kylo lifted you and put you on the bed, then he started to suck your neck, making your breath quicken. 

You immediately felt his hard member brushing against your inner tight. His mouth started to go down your body making you shiver with each kiss. You gasped when you felt his hot mouth on your nipples. He brushed his tongue from your breasts down on your stomach and lower.

"Kylo..." you moaned as you felt his breath against your clit. You put your hands in his hair and massaged them. Then he began to lightly kiss. You immediately got wet and started to please him "K-Kylo... please... I want more". He was turned on even more. He put two fingers in and you and stretched you while he started to lick around your clit. You were sweating, lust had completely overwhelmed you, you needed him inside you. 

You started to feel the climax coming and started to tremble under the thornless of his tongue. 

He understood this. He stopped and got on top of you. You felt him brushing his tip against you and then he slowly entered you. You put your hand on his back and scratched it when you heard him moan and close his eyes shut in pleasure. He looked down at you and crashed his lips on yours as he started to thrust. 

The rhythm increased and so did your moans till you both were extremely close. "K...Kylo... I'm almost...there....please...." you said in his ear. He started to go extremely fast, thrusting into you roughly and making you call his name with every thrust. You shouted as the orgasm washed over you, Kylo came just moments after you with a strong deep thrust "Y/N!" . You felt hotness inside. 

You both layed down panting. You layed on your side and he put an arm around your waist and got you closer, your head pressed on his chest where his heart was still racing. He kissed your head and whispered "you're everything I need, you're my life and I swear I'll always be by your side my love." You gave him a last kiss on his hot lips before you both fell asleep still holding hands.


	20. Commander

The next morning you got up to find the bed empty next to you. You lazily got up and got ready. As you were braiding your hair the sliding door of the bedroom opened to reveal Kylo.   
"Good morning love, are you ready for today?" He said. Even if he had his helmet on you noticed the voice was sweet. 

"Ehm... ready for what exactly?"   
"I told all my troopers to meet in the landing deck to make a public announcement"  
You looked at him and raised an eyebrow.  
"I'm promoting you as Commander of the First Order today. Hope you don't mind."  
You opened your mouth in disbelief. 

A few hours later Kylo lead you to the meeting and never let go of your hand while he was giving the speech explaining the reasons of your promotion. All the stormtroopers' eyes were on you. 

After the speech everyone applauded to the new Commander, General Hux even bowed in front of you. You thanked them all and you immediately started to give orders. The first thing you told your soldiers was to send some squadrons to the outer rim looking for illegal weapons traffics and pirates. You and Kylo and all the First Order wanted a peaceful galaxy with no criminality. 

It was late in the night when Kylo found you alone in the control room watching a holographic map. You were so concentrated you didn't even hear him coming behind you, you only realized of his presence when he encircled your waist with his arms. He gave you a kiss on the cheek. "It's late my love, what is this map that's keeping you away from our bedroom?". He said the last words with a provocative smile but you said nothing nor had any kind of reaction. He understood that map was really important and you were bothered by something. 

"This is the location of the Resistance base" Kylo couldn't believe it. You had thought about revealing it or not for a lot of time but at the end you decided to tell Kylo about it.  
"Sit my love, I will explain you everything you need to know to set a perfect attack."  
"Doesn't it bother you that you're revealing Resistance secrets to the enemy?"  
"You are not the enemy, the First Order is my home now and you are the love of my life. They are the enemy now, and all I want is to use all my knowledge to destroy them."

Kylo was surprised to hear such words coming out of your mouth.   
But he didn't know how Poe's words hurt you the last time you saw him, he didn't know how angry you had felt when you had found out Leia had connected with you just to find your spaceship location. You had felt betrayed by what you thought was your family. Kylo was your family now and you didn't need anybody else.   
You wanted to serve for a galaxy under the control of the First Order. 

You told Kylo everything about their weapons, their security sistems, their attack and defence modes, everything you knew.   
When you finished talking he just hugged you and you buried your face in his chest. You loved this man with all your heart. "You never stop to surprise me every day. We'll organise some tie fighters and squadrons of stormtroopers in order to attack them. 

"We'll leave them with nothing to live with nor for, they'll be miserable and will never represent a problem again. Do you agree love?"  
"Yes my princess. You're the Commander, the troups follow your orders."  
You immediately called Hux, who was not happy to be called in the middle of the night and told him about your plan. As soon as he understood the First Order had the coordinates of the base he started to run around the ship shouting "MOVE MOVE MOOOVE!" to all the troopers that were getting ready to fly to the base.

You and Kylo smiled proudly at the efficiency of your soldiers and since you were extremely tired, you went to bed.   
You fell asleep in Kylo's arms and you were sure you were in the right place.   
He stayed awake a little, looking at you peacefully falling asleep and smiling at your cuteness. You were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and still couldn't believe you had fallen in love with him despite of his troubled past and the fear everyone had of him.   
"I'll make the galaxy a better place for you to live in" he whispered, then he kissed your head and fell asleep with his nose buried into your hair and holding you tight.


	21. I chose him

The next morning Kylo woke you up by kissing you, that was the best awakening you could have wished for.   
"Googmorning sleeping head" he greeted you with that splendid smile of his.   
You smiled and looked at him with sleepy eyes.

After you got ready you came out of the bedroom and took your helmets that you had left in the hall the night before.   
Before you reached the door you felt Kylo taking you from behind and pulling you to him. Then he put his hands on your breasts and squeezed them lightly a few times. You laughed and gave him a questioning look. He had already worn his helmet.   
"Sorry I had to charge before going into the battle. I need lots of energy!" You both laughed, you put your helmet on and stepped out of the room, holding his hand. 

You had planned to join the troopers that had left in the night in the attack of the Resistance base. You boarded the silencer and made a hyperspace jump. 

You found yourself in front of that white planet and you couldn't believe it had been your home. You had understood that you had been used only with the goal of making you a spy into the First Order. Leia had seen the darkness in you, your power in the Force, that's why you never received a Jedi training, Luke Skywalker didn't want to live another experience as the one he had had with Kylo. 

You saw the army ready to attack and marching to the base. You landed in front of them and as you got out all the troopers greeted you. Kylo never stopped holding your hand as you walked to the base. 

The strange thing was that the Rebels didn't attack, it almost looked like no one was in the base.   
You told your army to wait and then got to the big steel door. You and Kylo made a hole with your lightsabers and stepped in. 

The room was completely empty, no one was there.  
Except Leia and Poe. They were standing in front of you, no weapons nor guards.  
You tightened your grip on Kylo's hand. You telepathically told him to speak first. Your heart had jumped in your throat and you couldn't think of anything but the fact that those people you had loved as a daughter and a sister only had the intention of using you. 

"Leia, Dameron, we meet again" Kylo said in his cold, robotic voice. Poe grunted and talked proudly "I see you've gotten close to Y/n. The plan we've worked on for years has worked.". You interrupted him. It made you feel intimidating and secure to talk with a robotic deep voice. "Actually, Poe, we have a whole army waiting out here just for us to snap our fingers and let them take down your beloved base. Maybe you should've thought about your plan better."  
Leia was impassive. Poe shouted "How could you do this to us? We took care of you for years and you betrayed us! You-". Leia raised a hand and he immediately went silent. She looked at you and Kylo and then gave you both a gentle smile.   
"I was waiting for them Poe. Y/n is right, we had to plan everything better because we didn't consider an extremely important factor: feelings. We thought that Kylo Ren was just a human weapon, but he fell in love with Y/n and everything was thrown in the air. We lost, Poe, the Resistance is dead."   
Poe looked at you with tears in his eyes and said "Y/n... you can't do this...". "Dameron, I chose him. The First Order will win. The Resistance will perish under our bombs"  
Poe's eyes were on fire. He shouted "NOT FOR ME!" 

There was a loud noise and the door of the base opened. Ten spacecrafts darted above your heads and rushed out. Suddently Leia and Poe stepped back and soldiers came out and surrounded you and Kylo. You stood back to back and ignited your lightsabers.   
"Fire!" Kylo shouted in his communicator. Outside you started to hear loud noises and the battle begun.


	22. Just hold my hand

You killed the soldiers one by one, the battle was terrible. All the Resistance fighters were killed by you or your soldiers.   
You weren't aware of the passing of time, you just killed everyone you found on your way.  
The sun had already set down when it all ended. The base was blown up by a bomber ship. 

Leia and Poe walked between the dead bodies of their squad mates to you.   
Leia spoke, while Poe didn't have the strength to. "Y/n, I admit it. I sensed the darkness in you since our first meeting. You were a child so you still hadn't found it out. I talked to Luke and we decided not to train you as a Jedi and Force user in order not to live the failure we had had with Ben. At the beginning we wanted to give you in adoption or put you into a specific structure to train you to prevent darkness from consuming you. But the Force had other plans for you. Now you're the Commander of the First Order, Kylo Ren's girl and you are almost the most powerful in the Dark side of the Force."

You listened in silence. With every word your need of vengeance grew in you. You knew Kylo felt the same as he was sent away and always hated by his parents. He talked to you in your mind "Y/n... it's time to cut with the past and start over, a new life in a united and peaceful galaxy. Let's do this"

You ignited your lightsaber and pierced Poe's shoulder, he cried while looking at you with nothing but hate and fear. You felt powerful, you felt relieved, you had made justice. You and Kylo, lightsabers cracking, turned to Leia. She was looking at you with watery eyes but didn't loose her composture. 

Kylo spoke to your mind "What do we do?"  
"Let her go, she's just an old woman. Without her followers she's not dangerous."   
He nodded and you both turned off your sabers and your helmets. Then you turned and faced your huge army that was waiting for you. Kylo put his hands on your waist and pulled you into a passionate kiss. You felt happy, you realized that the place we are born in is not necessarily our home. A home is where we feel right and safe. And your home was Kylo Ren. 

You started to walk back to the Silencer.   
"What do we do now?" you said "The Resistance is dead, the galaxy is safe now Kylo"  
He looked at you with a smile on his face

"Just hold my hand "

THE END


End file.
